Ms K, off to the theatre, for a production she didn’t book for, in an outfit she never would have chosen, tragic!
While in her garden last Wednesday evening, one of our members was tending her pumpkins when she tripped over some irrigation pipe and smashed her left knee cap. Ms K, aged 21 (hmm hmmm), who wishes to remain anonymous, managed to track down a friend who hadn’t yet retired for the evening, who popped in, took one look at her knee and declared “It’s off to hospital for you”. Five days later she was released with a pair of crutches, a collection of bathroom aides and a clutch purse full of painkillers.
“This is a major blow to my chances in this coming years Pumpkin Growing Contest” says Ms K, who had her hopes set on winning a prize for her “Pumpkin with the most Natural Personality”. Ms K claims she had an advantage, by using a compost recipe which has been handed down through at least one family generation, which is made up of one part animal manure (exact animal species list undisclosed) and two thirds Gardening Australia back issue magazines, Peter Cundall only. She also claims to have had great success in the past with playing her pre recorded cassette tapes of John Lawes talkback radio during the dormant hours of night, to ward off any pests and diseases.
Ms K continues “I had also planned a pagan fertility sacrifice ritual, vegetarian option of course, for the summer solstice”, but her plans were cut short due to her unfortunate accident – the intended sacrificial eggplant will now be left to ripen for an Autumn ratatoui instead. Ms K says that the incident has made her rethink her whole approach to her pumpkin feeding regime, and has now opting for one that uses a “slow release” fertiliser, while she recovers at home in anticipation for the Harvest Feast in March 2015.